My elderly sister refuses to get a job — now she is expecting me to pay her rent
DEAR ABBY: At 63, I am the youngest sister of four siblings. We grew up in the turmoil of Dad’s alcoholism and hoarding, as well as physical and emotional abuse from both our parents.
One of my sisters, “June,” was sexually assaulted by my brother. She’s 71 now and hasn’t worked since she was in her early 30s. She supports herself on Social Security and a pension from her ex-husband.
Her ex-husband recently passed away, and the pension stopped. She now expects my sister and me to pay her rent because she’s “too old to be working anymore.”
Abby, June is perfectly capable of getting a part-time job. She refuses to apply for anything despite my telling her I will pay her rent for only two more months. My other sister, “Lisa,” is guilting me by saying “we don’t want to see her on the street.”
I’m about to retire after working 48 years. I worked two jobs until I was 52. I’m extremely angry about the situation.
Although I can afford it, I don’t feel it should be my responsibility because June won’t make any effort to help herself. Advice? — SIBLING DRAMA IN NEW YORK
DEAR SIBLING DRAMA: Schedule a family discussion for yourself and your two sisters.
At that time, tell them you are willing to help June and, IF she gets a part-time job, you would be willing to pay part of her rent IF Lisa will split the cost with you.
Do this only if both your sisters are willing to make it a joint effort.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I always host every holiday. During each holiday before we eat, we say a Catholic mealtime prayer because we are religious.
However, recently, my husband’s nieces and nephews, who are in their early 20s, stopped participating in the prayer. I am OK with that, but they talk and mock our prayer while we are praying.
How can we handle this? Our children noticed how inappropriate they were. I understand if they don’t want to participate, but shouldn’t they sit quietly and respect us?
I am against them coming into our home, mocking our religion and then putting out their hand for a gift. Thanks for any words of wisdom. — FAITHFUL HOSTESS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR HOSTESS: Wow. Your husband’s nieces’ and nephews’ behavior is beyond rude. If they don’t wish to join you in the pre-meal prayer, they absolutely should be respectful and sit quietly until you are finished.
When it happens again, the first words out of your husband’s mouth after “Amen” should be to tell them that what they’re doing is rude and not appreciated.
However, if he can’t bring himself to do that, the ball will be in your court.
DEAR READERS: At sundown, the first night of Passover begins. This major Jewish holiday celebrates the most momentous event in Jewish history — the liberation of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt. Happy Passover to my readers who observe this important holiday. — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
