Les Ferdinand reveals the biggest regret of his career as he opens up on how he’s still ‘haunted’ by it

Former Newcastle and Spurs forward Les Ferdinand has revealed he’s had ‘many sleepless nights’ since retiring.

The 58-year-old opened up on the latest episode of The Mail’s ‘The Apple & The Tree’ podcast.

Hosted by national treasure, the Reverend Richard Coles, the podcast pits parents against their children to ask the awkward questions about their shared history they’ve always wanted answered.

Although daughter Lauren, 28, insisted that Les was a great dad, the iconic Premier League forward revealed he is still ‘haunted’ by how his career interfered with fatherhood.

‘When you were born, my career was getting going. My stock was on the rise, and I had just joined Newcastle’, he said.

‘It was the year we were close to winning the league and everything was so focused on that.

‘I think many footballers would say, you become more of a financial father than a father of care and love. When I say care, I mean attention: being able to give that attention to you.

Lauren Ferdinand told her father that it was hard sometimes to have a celebrity parent who was constantly called away for work. Listen to the full interview with Les and Lauren by clicking here.

Ferdinand scored a total of 149 Premier League goals and was capped 17 times for England 

‘I would come in and put you on my lap and we would have a bit of fun. But then I’d hand you back to your mum and I’d be off again.’

Ferdinand admitted to his daughter that he did not only devote himself to football because it afforded his family a lifestyle he didn’t have growing up, but also because of a ‘selfish’ drive to be the best.

He scored a total of 149 goals in the Premier League and was capped 17 times for England, part of both the much heralded Euro 96 and World Cup 98 squads.

‘I am not going to say, I did everything for you guys – if you’re going to be good at anything, there’s a selfish element to you’, the striker said on the podcast.

‘I have lots of sleepless nights: a lot of the stuff I’ve done, I’ve done on my own and I know I had to do it on my own but sometimes, when I sit back and I go through everything, I conclude there was a selfish element to my choices.

‘You make it OK because you’re providing, and you think [your children] are in a happy place because they’ve got the things they want financially. But emotionally, I probably lacked what I needed to give you guys back then.’

Speaking on The Apple &The Tree podcast, Lauren told her father that it was hard sometimes to have a celebrity parent who was constantly called away for work.

Hosted by Richard Coles, ‘The Apple & The Tree’ podcast pits parents against their children to ask the awkward questions they’ve always wanted answered

She said: ‘When I was in primary school, you were still playing. Everyone knew who you were and there was this huge buzz in the playground if you came to pick me up. I was always so proud of you – I remember a feeling of wishing you could do this more.

‘Being a celebrity means that sometimes you feel like other people are seeing your dad more than you are, which is a really strange feeling.’

Ferdinand continued to play professionally until he was 40 years old, appearing for a variety of clubs across the UK and having a short stint in Turkey with Besiktas.

His season at Besiktas kickstarted his career, but having recently become a dad at only 19, he described his year abroad as his hardest personally.

‘When my son Aaron was born, I had to go to Turkey to try and progress my career. That was tough, leaving him behind.

‘That haunts me more than anything else.’

Search for The Apple & The Tree wherever you get your podcasts now. Every Thursday a new celebrity family will be put under the spotlight.