Andrew Cuomo, the biggest liar in New York, wants to be mayor

Step right up ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and lay your eyes on the rarest and most dangerous of creatures: New York’s Biggest Liar.

Hailing from the wilds of Albany, this is a conniving colossus of canards, a freak of fabrication, a behemoth of balderdash. We call it Andrew Cuomo.

Careful, madam, careful! Don’t get too close to the bars, he’ll grope you. 

Like his relatives in the genus chamaeleo, the Cuomo’s ability to change its appearance will astound you. Here he pretends to be a moderate Democrat, an animal thought to be extinct.

But put him in a room with others of its kind, and suddenly his shape shifts.

He once promised to let New Yorkers profit from fracking, but boom, he turned green, banned it, then madly shut down the Indian Point nuclear power plant, driving up electricity costs for everyone.

One of the Cuomo’s most memorable charades was when he pretended to be the Hero of Covid. He built paper mache mountains, pontificated about the science, then sent scores of elderly parents to die in nursing homes, where the virus ran wild.

Sir! Don’t be fooled! He will try to claim the federal government told him to do it. More of his lies! Congress actually suggested he be criminally charged. Yes, for perjury!

He was also the governor who didn’t have a problem with people marching maskless and looting stores at the height of Covid — but said that you couldn’t go to a bar unless you ordered a sandwich.

Hey, he’s a liar — the lies don’t always need to make sense.

Young lady, please, best keep your distance. He’s been known to forcibly kiss.

Oh, he’ll tell you that part was all a witch hunt, suggesting that he’s allowed to fondle women because he’s Italian. Yes, fine gentleman in the back, he did say that! 

But know that an eight-month investigation by the Assembly found “overwhelming evidence” he sexually harassed women.

The Attorney General found the same. Legislators also noted that he abused his power to make his staff help with a book he was paid $5 million to “write.” Wicked, tricksy and false!

Now good people, get ready. For the World’s Biggest Liar is planning his most grand con yet. 

He aims to fool the voters of New York City that he should be their mayor, that he’s the most sensible, middle-of-the-road candidate there is. 

Needless to say, don’t believe him.

Who! we ask. Who signed the justice “reforms” that means you can’t lock up criminals? Who changed the discovery laws, so more cases are thrown out?

Who is the reason the clerk at Duane Reade needs to unlock the toothpaste for you?

We are pointing to him now! Why he is no less than the man who stands before you, Raggedy Andy, the fabulist, the misleader, the maligner. 

He has cost you money, made your city less safe, bungled a historic pandemic and, we hear, steals lollipops from babies.

People of Gotham, he’s caged now, but don’t let him out. Ignore his delusions, dodge his hugs. You have seen his true colors. We can’t let his lies hurt us again.